Do y’all ever have weird thoughts that you say out loud and then people look at you and make you wish you’d never voiced that thought? Let me give you an example. Now I’m just assuming that MOST of us grew up thinking that Toy Story was being acted out in bedrooms and playrooms all over the world. You know …. toys of all kinds come to life when people aren’t around, etc. etc. When I was seven, I envisioned my favorite stuffed animal, Barbara Bear, getting up and walking on two legs around my room at night. She was about two feet tall, white, puffy and super lovable. Except at night. I would wake up in terror thinking that she was walking around in the dark and would drop to the floor all innocent-like right before I turned on the light. Night-time Barbara was some sort of mix between Toy Story, Ted and the clown from Poltergeist. You know, something cute and non-threatening in the daytime, but something you don’t want to turn your back on at night.
Anyone else here believe that sort of thing when they were little? I just read that paragraph to Harley and asked him if he ever thought stuff like that and he said, “Well no. Not much.” Which just made him look at me all weird-like again. Because here is what happened.
We were watching an episode of How it’s Made about nutcrackers. Harley LOVES nutcrackers. We have a little army of nutcracker soldiers that we put out every Christmas. And they kind of give me the creeps. But he loves them and I’ve pretty much decided that inanimate objects don’t come to life at night … for the most part. So, every year I put them out and hope for the best. Until now. Because at the end of the How it’s Made they casually mentioned that this particular place would make a LIFE-SIZED nutcracker on special order. LIFE. SIZED. NUTCRACKER.
Harley and I immediately looked at each other. For different reasons. He had a look of hope and pure joy. OMG NO. HE WANTS ONE. My expression was probably sheer terror. We said it at the same time: LIFE-SIZED NUTCRACKER! Where would we put it? On the front porch. What would we do if we got up in the night one night and found it standing inside? I. WOULD. DIE. Harley thinks it would be funny. What if each morning we put it back outside and each night it GOT BACK IN?
We laughed and laughed and then I said, “Seriously. What if it got back in?” Harley just gave me The Look. You know the one. Where he sort of raises his eyebrows up and tilts head to the side a bit like he isn’t sure what he just heard. “You don’t think about that kind of stuff?” His eyebrows came back down but his eyes squinted a bit as he said, “Nope.” Then he casually took a swig of his beer and went on living his life. Without another thought. I may not be able to sleep now. What if I wake up and hear the Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies playing softly from somewhere in the house? What if I see a shadow moving in the hallway?
We just hit Halloween and I’m already freaked out about Christmas terrors. I’ve been so busy worrying about nutcrackers I haven’t even begun to think about what may be in store ON HALLOWEEN. I should be thankful that I ran out of time to decorate for this holiday. Although I’m still going to have trouble going to sleep tonight just thinking about the theme from Halloween. Thank god we don’t have a piano. I hope I’m the lone weirdo here and that none of you are plagued with scary thoughts that keep you up at night. Sleep well my friends and I hope your dreams are full of sunshine and unicorns. Not the scary kind, though.
Roxie Rides Again 